Wednesday, 21 November 2012



Have you got a dead body stashed away in your wardrobe, attracting flies and taking up space?  Maybe  you've got away with murder, but have had to keep the git holed up in your attic so people think he's still on holiday in Weston-super-Mare.

If so, I'd be delighted to hear from you.  I want to be a surgeon but I only got one GCSE, in Food Technology, and they wouldn't let me into medical school.

So I'm looking for bodies to practise on.

I'm happy to collect.  I won't tell if you don't.


  1. I've got four of those but they're all a bit dried-up and crinkly now.

  2. Not to worry; if they're nicely dried, that'll be easier for storage and I'll just pop 'em in the bath to rehydrate them before use.

    When can I collect? (It will be very discreet, I'll use a window cleaner's van, not a hearse).

  3. Oh they're not for sale, dear me no. They're company you see with me living alone here in this huge old house with its dreadful history, wind moaning round its spires and towers whilst unfastened shutters clatter, floorboards creak and Oh - I've got to go - Strictly's on !

  4. Couldn't you just spare one? I could sew it up for you when I'd finished, using an embroidery thread of a colour of your choice.

  5. You cheeky sausage ! None of my dead friends need "sewing up". I am a skilled sewist and did that myself shortly after I accidentally shot them all whilst cleaning Denzil's Luger.

  6. Aw, go on! I'd need to sew it up for you when I'd finished cutting it up, I wouldn't expect you to do it as I am polite like that.

    Are the guts still runny, or are they crunchy and crispy throughout?


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