Saturday, 2 March 2013

Obesity is a bigger threat than climate change - and Society's to blame!

HM Government reckons that by the year 2050, 50% of the UK population will be obese.  This is a serious threat because the fat 50% may sit on the other ones and squash them, thereby rendering the population 100% obese.

According to our Dr Peter Whimbrel, the link with climate change occurs because more of the sun's rays are required to give a large body a decent tan - rays which will not then be available for the ripening of crops and suchlike, and serious food shortages will occur.

Prof. Anna Prongg raised the point that serious food shortages will solve the obesity problem, but Dr Whimbrel dipped her pigtail in the ink and ignored her. Dr Whimbrel's only other retort was to quote from a contributor to the well-known volume: Fat is a Faminist Issue (J K Blubberbutt et al, pub Trouser Press, Kirby, 2010).

"Yeah, society's to blame all right! I'll say!

Why, there's a secret society near my ranch in Texas (they're so secret I don't know what they're called) and they regularly come round to my home, 56 of them sit on me so I can't move, and they FORCE FEED me with McDonald's and stuff. 

They then hang around with pitchforks to make sure no regurgitation occurs. In fact they make sure I wash it all down with chocolate milkshakes! Of course, being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment has caused my weight to rise to approximately 438lb.

And then, to cap it all, they've narrowed all my doors so I can't get out to go to the gym!!!!

Yep - society's to blame!"

(Boke Biggibotome [18], ranch somewhere in Texas)

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