Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Some Pangolin Careers Advice

From time to time, some of us in the sock-pairing industry may be motivated to leave our jobs and go and find another one.

However, you will find that the next person you want to pay you for turning up several days in a row may want to ask awkward questions as to why you no longer wish to spend your waking hours acting as an introduction agent to errant items of hosiery.

Here are some things not to say, even if they're true.  They'll make the person interviewing you think you're a pillock:

  • Fired (out of a large cannon)
  • Injured on the job (see above).  But see also:  If you can't be arsed to look it up, the article states that 'socks, vegetables, trousers and even leaves are a cause of serious injury and hospitalisation.'  However, for reasons of confidentiality, they are not able to disclose how 750 people were admitted to hospital following incidents with bath sponges, or how over 100 people injured themselves with tea cosies.
  • Marital problems.  Especially, don't give details of where you buried your spouse.
  • Arrested.  Unless it's for herding cattle over London Bridge without a licence.
  • Frequently over six weeks late for work.
  • Didn't get along with others.  Keep especially quiet about where you put the bodies (see 'marital problems').
  • Low pay.  Yep, you need to keep quiet about the fact that the company you work for needed your bank details so that they could clear out your account to finance the Managing Director's penchant for naughty ladies.

    They'd never believe you.

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