Monday, 3 December 2012

Starbucks Boss Quizzed on UK Tax Avoidance

Yesterday, Mr Vinny Baloney, CEO of the coffee giant Starbucks faced hostile MPs on the Commons Select Committee investigating Rich Ba$tards.

Asked by Margaret Polevaulter MP, mother of the world-famous cartoonist, how he could justify Starbucks paying so little corporation tax, Mr Baloney said; “Aw gimme a break, sister! Are you for real? We do it because we CAN. Your tax rules let us. D’you think we’d’ve come here if you’d got your butts in gear?” Responding to Ms Polevaulter’s suggestion that soon UK tax law would be tightened, Mr Baloney said “You do that and we’re outta here and you’ll be stuck with another few thousand more unemployed kids."

Breaking news...

"In the wake of the story of the release of the SAS soldier jailed for the possession of an illegal pistol and ammunition comes news of a second soldier detained by police in Glossop, Derbyshire, after being seen driving a tank down the A36.

The solicitor acting for Pte Kyle Gumm said, “My client realises now that his action was ill-advised. In fact, he found the tank (reported missing two days earlier) behind some huts at the local army camp. He decided to nip down to Tesco in it as it was raining. I should stress that at the time of the incident, the tank wasn’t loaded."

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