Saturday, 22 December 2012

In a Cabinet meeting…

Well chaps and Theresa, according to latest reports from my Happiness Watchdogs, the country’s nowhere near as ecstatic as it jolly well should be, despite us bombing Libya, getting the Olympic Games, still having a triple A credit rating erm, sort of, the D of C getting preggers and us floating HM and HRH down the Thames. We obviously need another wheeze. Suggestions?

Michael Gove (for it is he):  Er, Prime Minister……..

Dave:  Call me Dave

Gove:  Right, well, yes, er Dave... now that I’m in charge of pleb education, I’ve been identifying areas where we can save loads of money.

Dave: Oooh, Mikey, Mikey! Don’t say “pleb”. You never know who’s listening. But do go on…

Gove: Er, well, yes – sorry er, Dave. Basically, from my overview of state education, it seems that your average kid’s being taught absolutely heaps of things which are completely useless, and, I’m sorry to say, rather namby-pamby.

Dave: Namby-pamby! Good grief! How can this be?

Gove: Well erm, Dave, they do things like Dance and …

Dave: Dance? DANCE?

Gove: And Drama, and Music, and Art. They have to. They’re all in the National Curriculum.

Dave: Ye Gods! They’re compulsory? Crikey Mikey, we’re breeding a nation of bloody shark picklers! But what’s to be done Mikey, what’s to be done?

Gove: Well Dave, I’ve started a consultation process, just so we appear even–handed, then when that’s over I simply rule that all those airy-fairy subjects get dropped from the core curriculum.

Dave: "Core curriculum"! I like it. Core curriculum. Yes. Got a tough, no-frills sound to it. Go ahead Mikey. Do it. Make it so.

Gove: Thank you Pri... er, I mean Dave. I think we can now confidently look forward to a lean, clean education machine, uncluttered by artistic flim-flam, but filled with Maths, English (grammar) Science and a weekly burst of Physical Training. Way too many fatties out there – sorry Eric… and who knows, with the cash we save by ditching the frilly stuff, we might make a nod towards a bit of French. (Pauses for dramatic effect) My ultimate goal is to have a Combined Cadet Force in every secondary school!

Dave: I love it! Absolutely love it “Lean Clean Education Machine”. We’ve collared the front pages already!

(Cries of Bravo, Bravo!)


  1. Gosh, this sounds like exciting new thinking - whoever could have dreamt up such novel ideas?

  2. Not novel. Logical. These ideas formed the framework of most of the Government's education ; an education which has led to us being the best and most able people in the country. You pleb.


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