Writes Mrs Yvonne Ponnidge of Goole:
“I think that as hostess over the Christmas season I need to be in a really good frame of mind, so nobody gets let in without giving me at least £50 in used notes as well as the obligatory crap presents.”
Cool, Yvonne. Very sensible in a time of financial hardship.
Reflecting the necessary seasonal cutbacks comes this from an obviously fun-loving George Osborne (address withheld because it’s too posh to spell).
“We always leave the curtains open on bitter Yuletide evenings so any passing Housing Benefit scroungers who’ve evaded my personal security chaps can see what a ripping time we’re having.”
Tough love Georgie, we love it....
And from Walter Dripping (84, and a right moaning old bastard) of Glossop:
“Christmas? Christmas? Why, when I was a lad at Christmas we got nobbut orange peel to suck and even that were second hand. I were fourteen and workin’ 47 hours a day down’t’pit before I got a bit that ‘adn’t been sucked at least twice before. And I’ll tell thee another thing....”
(That’s enough. Ed.)