Tuesday, 11 March 2014

For Sale, a highly-prized Heinkel steam-powered outdoor toaster.

Recently refurbished and converted to take British steam, this is a late model “Graf Spee” toaster capable of producing 500 rounds per minute in shades ranging from Very Pale to Charcoal and requiring only a crew of two.


Offers over £10,000. Part-ex considered.

15 comments:

  1. Will exchange for same make set of 6 bone-handled gas-powered pickle forks (unused wedding gift) along with 300m length of Belgian Army surplus galvanised sanitary pipe (2 careful owners). Buyer collects.

    J. McCluny, Isle of Unst.

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  2. Many thanks for your wholly inadequate offer. There would have to be a substantial cash adjustment here. Say, £9,999.
    Best,
    Alexandra Gropington-Bowels.

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  3. I should like to be introduced to the lady in the photograph. I don't give a toss about the toaster, so I think the amount of cash due is in the region of £3.50.

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  4. The lady in the photograph, Mrs Louisa Humpgrabber, is dead. She passed away early in 2013 whilst hand-cranking the Graf Spee.

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  5. Happily, that makes no difference to me. Would you prefer the £3.50 in cash, or bank transfer?

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  6. Mrs Humpgrabber was cremated

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    Replies
    1. In that case I can only offer £2.50.

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  7. And the ashes scattered off Beachy Head.

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  8. £1.50 then, plus a small bonus for someone to go and collect them.

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  9. Mrs Humpgrabbers ashes were scattered in a lively south easterly breeze and will now have been spread, particle by particle, over the ocean, to be carried by currents to far the off lands of an earth she so loved. So back off, you bloody nuisance and go do something useful like lying on a railway line.

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  10. Under the circumstances, therefore, I will be offering no more than £0.34. Shall I just throw it in that hat you appear to have beside you on the pavement?

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  11. At last ! A meeting of minds !

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  12. That is not a hat. It is my dog, Truffle.

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    Replies
    1. So it is. He's just eaten the hat, including £1.25 that passers-by had chucked in - in the hope you'd go away.

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  13. I am at a loss for words and leave you with the old Dragvonian proverb; "Yegnvn bosti yegnvn bosti cwczrcn zmib."[He who searches for currants in another man's teacake must surely be without hope. "]

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Go on... you want to say SOMETHING, don't you? Post under a made-up name if you're shy!