On a more upbeat note, the winner of the tombola was ticket 287. As yet, the prize remains unclaimed. So, if you do want to win a meal for two in the company of Mr and Mrs Edgeshaw, the town historians, find that ticket and prepare yourself for six hours (or five courses, whichever is longer) of the finest municipal tales!
Turning to council business, I today instructed the town’s engineers to look again at the potholes which local cyclists brought to our attention at the last council meeting. Cyclists are always prone to exaggerate about the size of our potholes but I accept that those on High Street are considerably larger than the national average. Sadly, the search for cycle club member, Mr George Leadbarrow, has now been called off after he fell into the pothole on Sandshaw Drive, Bareman Road, and the Cricket Club. The good news is that after the recent heavy weather, the Cricket Club has asked permission to rename itself The Angler’s Club and they are now accepting membership applications to fish the pothole which the council have graciously voted to name Prunefield Lake. I am, of course, delighted by the honour, as well as having more proof that the short termism I introduced to borough planning is again showing long term rewards.
Next month, we should have some exciting news to report about the closure of our library. I know there has been a lot of local anger about this necessary cut in council provisions but I believe that will be more than alleviated by the news that we’re already in advanced discussions to convert the old reading rooms it into a beauty salon and tattoo studio. As I’m sure it says in the good book: where there was knowledge, let there be light! Ultraviolet light, fully compliant with The Sunbeds (Regulation) Act 2010 and costing only £4.50 an hour and brought to you by the good people at Prunefield Healthcare (‘The skin of a ninety year old, today!’™).