Dear Mr Wuss,
I should like to complain most strongly about the often downright depraved use of English on your so-called humorous blog, The Pangolin.
The only part I read regularly is the Archbishop of Canterbury’s Thought for the Day which is often most perceptive. Incidentally, you spell the Bishop’s surname incorrectly.
But my concern is with the parlous state of the English mother tongue, including as it does these days, words like “fracking”. That our senior Churchman be forced to use such suggestive terms is disgraceful. The Pangolin is not alone here. Other magazines within easy grasp of children or those of a delicate disposition freely use words like ARSEnic or TITtilation or wHOLEsome and I was shocked to read the other day, in Estate Agents’ Gazette, about young couples being on the BOTTOM rung of the housing ladder. The writer made things even worse by saying that he liked to keep aBREAST of developments.
This casual use of words liable to inflame the passions of the weak-minded could well lead to a population explosion. I look forwards to your response.
Fanny Nipple (Miss, 48)
My dear Miss Nipple,
Your concern about the passions of the weak-minded is totally understandable, given a surname like yours. Heaven only knows what you must have gone through at school. Indeed, thirty years after the event, the sniggering of horrid little boys still echoes over the Mendips and can be heard as far away as the Shetlands on a clear day.
Rest assured that we will in future be discouraging the Archbishop from discussing contentious issues like BUMpers, PRICKly heat and BOOBy traps. Another ornithological article, concentrating chiefly on the woodCOCK and great TIT, has already been rejected by our censoring team. The latter consists of a small bunch of worthies; 'Big Dick' Boner, Cherry Bush and John Thomas Muff.
Feel free to get in touch with them.