Friday, 2 August 2013
Terrorist raid in small village several miles away from Glossop!
Authorities had been alerted to the fact that over a period of several days, the couple had conducted internet searches on 'bath bombs', 'egg timers' and 'explosive farts', which was enough to trigger suspicions in the minds of the chronically paranoid. They had also been observed to have read news items and even used the electric television to watch current affairs programmes, some of which had featured terrorist attacks, counter-terrorism measures and recipes for banana custard.
Tobias Squerp reports that they inspected his bathroom cabinet and kitchen cupboards, took away a packet of charcoal tablets and a pair of sturdy Dreadnought anti-flatulent underpants for further analysis, and subjected him to a thirty minute interrogation. They demanded to know the answers to some very embarrassing personal questions and also some betting tips for the 3.30 at Ascot. They drank several cups of tea but declined the offer of the bit of bread pudding which had been cooked in the bottom left hand corner of the oven.
Eventually they left the property on receiving the news that someone in another village several miles away had conducted an internet search on Magnum ice cream, and ballet (which they had mistyped as 'bullet').
The search continues.