Thursday, 8 August 2013

Pangolin Obituary

Ethylene Bunce (4/12/1930 - 29/7/13)

Ethylene was a keen watersportswoman, and a key figure in the development of submarines - an environment to which she was often confined for her own safety.

Her habit of giving drums, out-of-tune whistles and other antisocial musical instruments to young children made her extremely unpopular with parents, though the local asylum in her home county of Staffordshire did gain an extra 24 inmates due to this intervention.

Her one surviving relative, who has asked not to be named, remembers her chiefly for being very damp but insisting on kissing him as a child. "It was like being the bottom of a saucepan assaulted by one of those panscrub things.  You know the ones - spongy on one side, like a brillo pad on the other, and they tastes 'orrible".

He is now an outpatient.

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