Tuesday, 22 April 2014
Now sadly departed, Zymchuk, or 'Ymch' as he was known to his friends, was a traveller of international renown. He boasted that he'd deported from nearly all of the countries in the EU and also the Baltic States on account of his appalling hairstyles and unfeasible facial hair.
He always attributed his extreme longevity to his diet of Reckitts Paris Blue.
He did have a very shiny forehead. Unfortunately, last Monday a passing stork saw the gleam and, mistaking it for a fish pond, dived downwards in an enthusiastic manner in order to enter the water.
This effectively poleaxed Mr Feofilakt. A passer by, Venomus Pling, informed ambulance staff: "He already had this really dreadful hair, but once that bird with the long legs got involved his whole head looked 100 times worse. He couldn't even pretend he was wearing a fascinator rather than a hat!".