Monday, 6 July 2015

Pangolin Obituaries

Juliana Gnipper   4/3/1902 - 30/6/15

Ms Gnipper is renowned for spending much of her adult life in custody following a widely-publicised murder conviction in Tinkerbush, August 1934. She had bludgeoned to death the hairdresser 'Whot bluddy done that to my hair' with one of his own sets of curling tongs in the mistaken, though understandable, belief that it was a medieval instrument of torture.

Photographs were eventually disclosed to the presiding Judge in the Court of Appeal, who decided in a landmark ruling that the killing was actually 'justifiable homicide' and released her on condition that she purchased a wig.

She is shown here greeting a new patient to the Tinkerbush dental practice where she eventually became a receptionist. She never did get that wig.

Damien Fannyfumbler  16/10/54 - 29/6/15

Entrepreneur, groper and member of the Conservative Party from 1960 - 2015.

His secretary, Josie Butt (78), climbed down from the top of the bookshelves where she had taken refuge from his amorous advances and explained to The Pangolin: "Need you say more?"

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