Thursday, 25 September 2014
Pangolin News Flash! Terrorists threaten to publish nude photos of...
There has been a recent spate of celebrity nude photo hacks - memorably called 'Celebgate' and the 'Fappening' - as youthful indiscretions of nubile people are waved around the web now they're famous - at least to viewers of pop videos.
However, this has taken a new and sinister turn, as photos were taken without the knowledge of the Communities Secretary as he basked on the beach with the other elephant seals in Tenerife. David Cameron et al were horrified to learn that these grotesque images were going to sully the otherwise pure waters of the web, especially given the current war on obesity.
'It took a while to find the @$$holes behind this conspiracy,' conceded a government spokesman. 'Turns out it's the EDL. They'd originally read 'Communities' as 'Communists' and are too thick to realise the difference. Their photographer is now in hiding with PTSD though, so it's not all bad news.'