Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Pangolin Letter to the Editor (written in green ink)

Dear Mr Wuss,
I have seen your alarmingly unhinged and sinister Pangolin Blog creation on several occasions. It has been brought to my attention by my unhinged, sinister, idle and admittedly left-wing nephew who appears determined to have me laugh at it. Obviously, I cannot do this because your blog pokes fun at people like myself who have a natural sense of social responsibility.
It is with that in mind that I must register my amazement that your organ which, according to my nephew, is viewed by millions of people worldwide every day, makes no mention of the rising tide of insurrection flowing menacingly from the Middle East. I am a retired military man. I have seen this sort of thing before. My forebears were also military men. Even my wife is a retired military man.
There was a time when uprisings were crushed simply by sending a gunboat up an appropriate river. Foreign Johnnies soon threw down their flintlocks when they saw his or her Britannic Majesty’s ensign fluttering above the dunes. Often, the skirl of the pipes and the swing of the kilt spread fear and alarm in strange places of which we know little.
So as an ex-military man and, I might add, Captain of Throbe Magna Golf Club, I urge you to use your blog to pressure our limp-wristed government into finding what few gunboats remain and to direct them forthwith up the Foreign Johnnie’s waterways.

I am,

Yours sincerely,

Major (retd) Randolph Gonad-Heaver, M.C.

1 comment:

  1. My great grandfather once had a gunboat up his inlet after several camels strayed into a British Protectorate. Unfortunately one of these stupid animals bit the Governor's wife. I am pleased to say that when my great grandfather met the gunboat accompanied by his 27,000 strong retinue, it turned round and went away.
    I am,
    Yours truly,
    Gibrahn, Caliph of All of Kyzrghnm [which is not in Poland]


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