Saturday, 24 May 2014

Pangolin Election Special!

Pangolin News Editor, Steve Wuss, has noticed that there have been Council Elections during the week. Admittedly, like 66% of the population of Glossop, he was asleep at the time, but better late than never eh, Steve?

"What I don't understand is why the BBC and ITV and ABC and JKL and whatever all those other news channels are called, spent so much time discussing smoked herrings", he intoned. "In fact, here's a picture of a u-kipper to show you all what they look like:
I mean, the mejia COULD have talked about important issues like 'What are we going to do about the kiosk planned for the sea front opposite No.89', 'Why are we letting Monsanto control the food supply for the whole world by killing off our bees?' and 'After those excitingly huge holes in the ground appeared during the storms, let's add to them by fracking. It was all so AMAZING!'

Instead, we've had to endure minute scrutiny of a bunch of oily, wrinkled old codgers with two faces - who smell rather. On their own admission, they don't do very well in parts of the country where the local populace have two brain cells to rub together. Ironic in that oily fish is supposed to improve your brain power.

So, Ukip are now a major political force... given that they are now in control of precisely zero councils throughout the UK, have no seats in Parliament... but will doubtless do well in the European Elections. And won't bother to turn up to any sessions of the European Parliament anyway.

Well, I'm going to jolly well get on to that Hugh Fearnley-Whillowstalk and see if he can't supply us with some more effective fish - whitebait or something!"

1 comment:

  1. This is just another cheap shot at Nigel, right ? I mean, come on, get real, what's wrong with a bloke who likes a drink, smokes, swears, quite possibly farts, doesn't want to live next door to Romanian men, and wants only English spoken on trains and demands we leave Europe ?
    Barry Himmler.


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