Tuesday, 27 May 2014

In Your Garden

Our gardening expert writes:

Nobody likes to find a weed in their garden. As ever, prevention works better than cure. Regular drenchings of weedkiller (backed up by dabbing with Miracle Plantnuke) do help, but the wiser course lies in strategies designed to prevent the little blighters ever getting a foothold in the first place.

Mineral aggregates are the answer and there is a marvellous range of new products to be found on the market. Gravel mix, slate chippings and coloured shingles are all easy enough to lay, but they may not defeat the cunning wiles of your typical little weed. Go instead for deep trenching and a thick layer of ready-mix or concrete derivative. This can be painted or stained as wished, or neatly topped with bespoke paving. Recent years have seen greater moves towards Green thinking in the garden and anyone so minded could well be tempted to explore the interesting new possibilities to be had with synthetic lawn, geotextiles and artificial border shrubs. 

Fruit bushes 2: last month I was taken to task by one reader for not flonking in April. It's not the first time the Early Flonking Brigade have had me in their sights. Some people just can't help themselves. They have to be out their at it all months of the year, even before the grass has dried or ground warmed up. They seem blind to the dangers of excessive or premature flonking: Scab Rot, Blossom End Wilt, thrips, to name but a few. Desist, you flonkers.

Next month: what to do when you order a Hot Tub, none arrives, you complain and re-order through Customer Services, then three arrive, all with billing.

Bon jardinage.


  1. Thanks, as ever, Ken - really useful stuff. I note with some amusement that you use the "their" spelling of "there" - a typical flonker's error, although I think your gentle sarcasm will be lost on them .
    Norma Ragwort
    Glossop Concrete Museum.

  2. Yes, well spotted, Norma, and you are quite correct in your analysi's. I also like to play a free hand with apostrophe's, making u'se as the mood permit's.


    P'S Thats a jolly good museum you have there in Glossop.

  3. Thank's Ken. We are rather proud of the museum. Council funding has been cut recently and we've been forced to creep around the place in the dead of night prising up concrete kerbstones so as to maintain an acceptable turnover of exhibit's


Go on... you want to say SOMETHING, don't you? Post under a made-up name if you're shy!