Justin here, and as much as I would have liked to finish off the Old Year on a positive note, I’m afraid a couple of things have got me jolly, jolly cross.
As you all know, I have publicly castigated those wicked Pay Day Loan parasites to little effect, I must admit. I will be reviewing my strategy in this area early in the New Year. However, I note that Wonga have abandoned the crass puppetry of old and invested some of their ill-gotten gains on a computer-generated advertisement wherein “Earl” [a pathetic Wonga character] plays complex guitar duets with a real guitarist, cunningly deflecting the innocent viewer’s attention away from Wonga’s disgraceful interest rates.
My plans to combat this sneaky campaign will call upon modern technology too in the form of a local Christian first film studio called, WWJHS (What Would Jesus Have Shot). Neat, eh? But more of that anon.
My greatest sorrow, and I readily accept, unbridled fury (I threw one of my lady wife’s scones across the room. It dinged the ornamental bedwarmer) was caused by an interview conducted by an ineffective, non-assertive person called Gawp with David Cameron, Nick Clegg and George Osborne – published the other day IN THESE VERY PAGES!
These three independently wealthy political leaders posited that their great wealth provided significant hurdles on their respective routes to the top. This is arrant, unadulterated nonsense! All three have never known real need. Not one of them has ever had a REAL job. Their ideas, beliefs even, showed a terrifying ignorance. Perhaps I might have forgiven that, but then ALL THREE of them referred to the general population as “OIKS”. Repeatedly. I think the young man with the wire in his ear was as shocked as I. I heard him mutter something I dare not repeat here, but which rhymes with “weeding bankers”. He then vouched safe that he “wouldn’t stop a round for any of those tossers”.
And yet, and yet, Hope springs eternal, and perhaps, in the marches of the night, Messrs Cameron, Clegg and Osborne might see the error of their ways.
In a happier vein, you may have noticed that my “Man of the Year” is the new, no-nonsense Pope who seems more than willing to substitute good sense and Christian virtue for the idolatrous flummery of the Roman Church. Good for him. I wonder if Mr Cameron regards the Holy Father as a Holy Oik?
So, all that remains is for me and my lady wife and the young man with the wire in his ear to wish you all, oik or toff, a Happy New Year.