Monday, 2 December 2013

Season of Good Will Wossnames

Well! Nice, fuzzy, touchie-feelie, funny Boris has morphed into what he really is; a rich Tory baron who honestly believes that he is one of the Princes of the Universe. 

Greed is good. High IQ is good, and if you're not rich it's because you're STUPID. If his speech didn’t bear directly on to this government’s policies it would be funny; Pythonesque in its veneration of privilege. Boris pointed out that some people in the UK have an IQ of 80. Well of course they have, you Old Etonian duffer! The average IQ is 100. 80 provides one of the figures required to arrive at an average, DOPE! 
Then this silver spoon-fed toff (IQ at least 267) went on to outline a society which in part exists already, where the rich (greedy intelligent people) get richer and the poor (those, according to Boris’s thinking, with an IQ of 100 or less) either stay poor or get poorer. That is happening even as I type. 

This has caused some consternation among Pangolin staff. Despite all appearances to the contrary, some of the crew have an IQ well in excess of the 130 points required to join the Boris Band of the élite, and are wondering what's been happening to their pocket money. Uncle Tarquin was sufficiently exercised to be seen walking up and down on the hearth rug in his carpet slippers, muttering something about having met a rich person once: "Boring, talentless git. Hadn't even made a forest with mashed potato and broccoli florets when eating his (public) school dinner..."

Murgatroyd (who, you will recall, is a particularly fine example of manis pholidota) scratched his nose with the tip of his tail and pondered. "So the top 2% IQ-wise are the richest? Is this stupid apology for a yard brush really trying to tell us that the Beckhams have brain cells? Doubt they could scrape together 130 points between 'em!"
What of compassion, Boris? What of the little old ladies who find that the £200 heating allowance –  probably no more than you and your privileged cronies would spend on a half-way decent bottle of wine – isn’t enough to keep them warm?
Anyway, let’s hope that Boris’s speech helps put an end to the Tories’ disgraceful feudal rule. Our lovely Miasma - who admits to having a bit of a crush on Boris - said "I just wish he'd shut up. He's just such an adorable little weebly-bum when he keeps his trap shut. And he's just such a totally unadorable little fascist eugenicist whenever he opens it. But he looks so adorable when he carries a yard brush...."
Elsewhere in Pangolinland we’re wondering about Scots independence and as with the ongoing stupidity with HS2, failing to see how that will work financially. Maybe England should push for independence from Scotland.
Happily, Old Bill (senior citizen who helps around the office) got his battered little Alfa 147 back from the menders after it was smashed up by a street-orc [IQ unknown] and it looks wonderful and can now resume its runabout duties whilst the big beast Jag remains in the garage, only growling forth for longer journeys.

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