Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Now follows our eagerly-awaited traditional, never published before PANGOLIN CHRISTMAS WISH LIST!!

1) That the Tories and the Lib Dems REALLY fall out – publicly via a brawl in Downing Street with shouts of 'PLEBS! PLEBS!' Shaving cream, and knuckle dusters, will feature prominently.

2) HS2 gets cancelled. Part of the savings to be spent on creating engineering apprenticeships and jobs and a little bit on making Boris (compulsory resident) King of Rockall Minus WIFI. Or phone. Or carrier pigeon.

3) That the NHS remains free and this awful government stops knocking lumps off it. That tier of management which currently do nothing but go to meetings where they create policies about writing policies will be detailed to clean up the mess in Downing Street. And they'll never be let out. Ever.

4) That the slow slide to internet anarchy for cartoons and cartooning stops and that UK publishing realises what it's killing.

5) That UK publishing houses start to be managed by editors again, not by accountants. Same goes for the NHS, but with medical staff rather than editors.

6) That someone with Common Sense oversees – with the power to instantly delete – television advertising of beauty aids, banning digital enhancement and skeletal women.

7) That glass ceilings everywhere get smashed.

8) That people are only allowed to be famous if they've done something worthwhile.

9) That people who would have spent a small fortune on a personalised car number plate aren't allowed to do so, and are required to spend the money instead on something worthwhile.

10) Everybody (even Boris, out there on Rockall) has a bearable Christmas and an outstandingly brilliant 2014.


Go on... you want to say SOMETHING, don't you? Post under a made-up name if you're shy!