Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Pangolin Awards

We are pleased to announce the winners of the latest Pangolin Awards; they will all receive a year's supply of termites and a set of dentures.

First off, we have Pumfrey Birtwhistle of Peckham Rye, who has clocked up a whopping 134 loonies sitting next to him on the No. 37 bus - all in the last six months, but not all at once.  Well done, that man!

Secondly, Marjorine Spreadbury of Bude has had altercations with no fewer than 48 traffic wardens in the last fortnight. Her achievement is all the more remarkable because she doesn't drive, and has no car. Pip, pip!

Thirdly, young Cedric Spottiswode of Corfe Castle holds the Dorset County Record for person who has managed to tie together the shoelaces of the largest number of people in the Odeon without someone catching him and managing to kick his head in (that's 68 in all). When asked about his achievement, he shrugged modestly and said "You know what's twelve inches long and slippery? A slipper! Arf arf!"

Congratulations to them all, and we're looking forward excitedly to the next round of prizes for more amazing feats, including the saddest ways of trying to disguise a bald pate and for finding the greatest number of uses for pork pies.


  1. Oh, that's an excellent joke and even better than the one that goes: what's brown, long and sticky?

    A stick.

    I love that joke but now I have a pair of them. Thank you so much!

  2. I do wonder about Mr Birtwhistle's claim. I mean, how was this verified ? Were these people yer actual loonies, or simply ordinary folk being silly ?

  3. Proper loonies. He had to take recordings of the barking, and also had samples of the hair that had been stolen from them overnight.


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