Dear Sir or Madam,
Further to my recent communication highlighting the beauty and ultimate pageantry of even the most humble funeral, something my lady wife and I are very keen on, I am compelled to contact you again with reference to a most scandalous decision made by our County Council. “Memoria”, the company seeking to build a crematorium in the village has been refused permission to do so by said Council.
It would appear that the disrespectful antics of certain villagers persuaded the Council that Memoria’s shiny new crematorium would be "inappropriate". INAPPROPRIATE!? How can this be? Aided and abetted by the left wing BBC who sent a film crew to record their indecent campaign, the villagers – many of whom have three thumbs and hardly any O levels - celebrated, blindly ignoring the fact that the solemn passage of Death past their hovels on a daily basis will now never take place.
I have commiserated personally with Mr Howard Hodgson, CEO of Memoria, a most respectful and sober man – and, incidentally, author of “How to Become Dead Rich” (still available on Amazon @ 99p) – who is deeply upset at the Council’s short-sighted decision.
In conclusion, I can only speculate on the Council’s motives. How can so professional a body of highly intelligent and skilled people be influenced by mere stupid villagers who in times now sadly passed would have looked to highly educated and spiritual people like myself and Mr Hodgson for guidance. Not so now. It appears that these days, those in power, like County Councils, actually listen to others who might best be described as “ordinary”, or even “downright ordinary.”
Yours in regret