Tuesday, 13 January 2015

FoxWitz News Collaboration Project

Following the astonishing pronouncement from FoxWitz News that Birmingham, UK, is a totally Muslim city where non-Muslims just don't go - despite the latter comprising 80% of the population - Pangolin correspondents dug themselves out from under their desks in Glossop and set forth to investigate. Our Steve Wuss had once visited Birmingham in the 1980's and found a very ropey pub on Aston Lane which didn't have anyone in it at all. He wondered if FoxWitz had conflated the two.

Suitably attired, our intrepid reporters set forth:
Pangolin staff in disguise

Suitably domed vegetables compulsory

It was found that local culture had adapted remarkably well to the environment of the West Midlands; there were strict injunctions about public displays of vegetables, which were required to show the appropriate architectural features, for example. 


The humble serviette now features decoration in keeping with mosque interiors:
Mosque interior with your afternoon tea

Of course, no trip to Birmingham is complete without a visit to the 'Balti Belt', that area of the city bounded by Ladypool Road, Stoney Lane and Stratford Road. But even this shows expansionist policies, as the following photographs reveal:

Balti Belt c. 1988
Balti Belt 2014

Finally, any self-respecting city would take it upon itself to complete the Haj - the pilgrimage to Mecca - and collect a skull cap (comparable to the pilgrim badges of medieval times).

It's good to see that famous Birmingham landmark, Selfridges, is clearly a very frequent visitor:


  1. Well ! I strongly object to this. It insults something or other. I am a thin person trying to get fat. I also have two budgies.
    Blanche Bleam [47, Ms]

  2. I echo Ms Bleam's concerns here. Whilst I do not own any budgerigars, I have noticed a beetle and several worms in my garden.
    Yours etc.,
    Glenda Dickory [Mrs., 47, nee Dock]


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