Saturday, 1 November 2014

Cassius Pugnatius Seagull

As the winds of Autumn blow away the crumbs and pavement pizzas of Summer, a gull has to act fast.

Bezza and me have found an ingenious way of harvesting fish, which though it requires more effort and planning, yields mega-results...

This is best practised on a warm day, and you need to spot some tourist-type eating out on the sea front. Kassa's is good, but there are others. Grab a bit of something that looks like fish food (tourists are best because of being unprepared and too shocked to resist. Also they try to eat more), and, grasping same firmly in bill, hover over the ocean's surface until you spot a shoal of fish cheerfully surfing the element. Drop fish food. They'll come and get it, whereupon...YOU SWOOP!!!

By now you will have perfected your swoop by means of practice on tourists (see above), and you can drop your catch in the courtyard garden of those handy little basement flats along the A259 before heading back for more. When you've had enough of this, and fancy a bit of sport, see if you can drop a still-wriggling fish onto the windscreen of a moving car. They slow down as they approach the speed camera and you can normally get 'em there.

Oh, how we larfffed...!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go on... you want to say SOMETHING, don't you? Post under a made-up name if you're shy!