Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Cassius Pugnatius Seagull

Plenty of rain, plenty of fish, plenty of opportunities for squeezing one out on Marina buildings freshly painted while the sun shines... down came the rain, and you start your squeezing all over again.

Breeding season's over for now, so I've had to look for further diversions and those human beans never disappoint. You get such a good reaction if you just hover gently over them, following them wherever they go. They may try and bamboozle you by going into one of the bogs, in which case you continue your gently sentimental hovering and resume when they reappear.

Cheers 'em up no end!

It has come to my attention that some of my smartass colleagues - to wit, Denzil and Gertie from No. 62, and Shitface from West Hill, have come across a jolly good wheeze to trap fish. It goes like this:

Hang around burger bar on the sea front.
Nick a burger from an unsuspecting tourist. 
Drop it in shallow waters.
Watch fish gather to eat it.
Catch biggest one, land on someone's car and beat fish to death for ten minutes.

Now, there's no denying that this is an engaging, productive way of utilising one's time, but I had this strangely persistent feeling that the approach had more POTENTIAL. I therefore modified it as follows:

Enter into bar on sea front.
Nick dish from counter, the one containing tips, and fly off.
Spot outdoor restaurant with best looking grub.
Drop dish of coins a few yards away from table.
Watch people gather round it.
Nick temporarily abandoned meals whilst they admire coins.
Having a quick 'blip' is optional, though you may hit six targets with only one drop using this method.

Hope you all had a great Bank Holiday weekend!


  1. love it! I love seagulls too. Penny.x

  2. Well, I suppose herring gulls are ok, preferably inside one of those snow-globe things, but they do rather grab the seaside limelight. As an adult carrion crow I am often dismayed by the gulls' raucous yelling and their constant squabbling. Carrion crows are also opportunist diners, but I like to think that we do it with a deal more elan than Cassius et al. And when will gulls realise that if you crap on people, they won't like you ?

  3. Obviously not. Nor can you spell.

  4. No. Coarse, yes.


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