Saturday, 13 April 2013

Thought for the Day, from Justin Webly, more or less Arch. of Cant.


My dear friends, you will excuse this extra thought for the day, but whilst nipping into Waitrose this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the headlines on the front of The Daily Mail – all about Christians being insulted. Again. It seems that something called the Equality and Human Rights Commission have ruled that minorities such as vegetarians, vegans, atheists, ecologists and Druids should be given the same rights as Christians. “Whoa!”, I said to myself, “I thought they had."

Apparently not. I really must bone up on all these new European rulings. It seems that since the UK lady with the strange surname won the right to wear a crucifix at work, all manner of fringe believers and members of minorities groups will be given the same rights. “Rights” to do what exactly? Wear their outfits and faith jewellery at work? Go “Ommmmmm” at the keyboard? Possibly. But more precisely, a vegetarian would not be forced to clean out a fridge which had held meat, and an ecologist would be allowed to lecture co-workers on their car use. Oh dearie, dearie me. Down this road madness lies.

What happens when a meat-eating Druid finds his lamb chops in the bin? Or the large, carnivorous company courier is harangued by the puny ecologist because of the former’s love of his 1000cc Kawasaki? Or the vegetarian disposes of the pebbles and bits of twig which were the vegan’s lunch?
Heaven forfend!

And yet, and yet, I return again to the eternal question. What would Jesus have done? And yet again I’m sure that he’d’ve gripped the whole bunch, pitched them out of the temple and told them to grow up and get lives.

I may be in serious trouble for penning this piece from all manner of people – Druids, vegans, Flat Earthers, Intelligent Creationists, Alien Abductees, *The Elvis Lives Society, and many other, for want of a better word – nutters. All I want to be is nice to people, but some make that very difficult.

*In a semi near Lyme Regis, apparently.


  1. When that limp-wristed old fart, Basil Paintbrush, put my pebbles and twigs in the rockery, I simply ate a tapeworm for lunch and threw up in his sandwich box. All I then needed to do was sit back and watch the fireworks as he attempted to locate his navel fluff and dandelion sandwiches.

    As Fat Freddy's cat remarked after 'laying an egg' in his owner's headphones: "Such Range! Such Timbre!"

    I'm really enjoying this 'everyone has an equal right to impose their equal rights on everyone else' ethos we're advocating these days. More entertaining than a vegan cookbook!

  2. Sir -

    I was delighted to find a whole binful of lamb chops, burgers, turkey twizzlers and a horse's head outside a house in Snakes Lakes Lane, Timberhonger. I also found a lightly fried vegetarian in there. It was very tasty.

  3. Well - what a to do! I went to wear my outfit to work today, but my wife advised against. I was subsequently arrested for indecent exposure. I tried to explain to the arresting officer that I was merely being 'sky clad' but he hit me hard round the head with a slipper and showed no religious tolerance whatsoever.

  4. I wandered round Birmingham City Centre in a burqa today. You should have seen their faces when I went to use the urinal in the gents' bogs in British Home Stores!


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