Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Pangolin Stars

There’s absolutely no evidence that those born under this sign are more likely to get cancer than anybody else. What is generally recognised though, is that Cancerians tend, unless checked, to walk sideways. This gives the impression that they are avoiding the direct approach in social encounters, and that they are stand-offish. Which they are. So live with it. As to the immediate future – nothing out of the ordinary here apart from the garage roof blowing off and you being sued for the death of two of next door’s chickens.


You spend a lot of your life living up to the Leo image – fearless, principled, the hero/heroine, but what we all know is that underneath you’re a conflicted blancmange of indecision, constantly worrying about how you seem to others and obsessing about being “right”. Ease up. Chill out. Start smoking again. And forget about suing that bloke next door and look to your own garage roof. The couple next door to YOU have three bloody llamas for God’s sake!


Oh so nice! SO sensitive, so understanding and compliant. Really? Well that’s not how it all stacks up, is it? Male and female Virgos need to listen to their inner selves. Take the plunge. You know you want to. Sod everybody else. Start spitting. Wear leather and a T shirt with “I heart Frankie Boyle” on it. Get tattoos. Learn to swear.

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