A Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Very Conservative Party with Sir Greville Boynton-ffart

Y’know, I make no secret of being stinking rich. I’m positively rolling in it and I know lots of chaps out there who are loaded too. Like me, they’ve never had to work because theirs, like mine, is Old Money.

As a right wing and proud of it Conservative I feel passionate about holding on to what’s mine. I feel aggrieved and offended at the thought of what I’ve got stashed away being wasted on let’s face it, lesser beings. Unlike them, I know how to spend money and what it's worth. You won’t find me wasting it on elderly peasants who’ve never been to Klosters. I mean, what good have they ever been in their boring little jobs? What good are they now sitting in their boring little flats waiting for free meals?

And youth? Don’t talk to me about youth. The world does not owe them a living, whatever a living is. What we need is a return to National Service. We need to create again a huge army to keep out all these foreign scrounger Johnnies bent on bankrupting this Island Nation.

Vote for me and you’ll be voting for safeguarding all those things which have made Britain Great – wonderful country houses, State Funerals for the wealthy, Elgar, the reinstatement of Borstals for any oicks who escape from comprehensives and huge tax breaks for English millionaires – especially those presently in government.

Greville Boynton-ffart.