For Sale
Sycamore; this is lovely wood and comes up a treat if polished in the
correct manner. That's after it's been chopped down, chopped up and
made into furniture of course. This beautiful tree can be yours for
only £40.00.
Granted, it's still very small but it does have potential. Buyer to collect from my herbaceous border please.
Wanted
Bodies.
Have you got a dead body stashed away in your wardrobe, attracting flies and taking up space? Maybe you've got away with murder, but have had to keep the git holed up in your attic so people think he's still on holiday in Weston-super-Mare.If so, I'd be delighted to hear from you. I want to be a surgeon but I only got one GCSE, in Food Technology, and they wouldn't let me into medical school.
So I'm looking for bodies to practise on.
I'm happy to collect. I won't tell if you don't.
Extracts from letters from Cridling Stubbs Council Tenants
1. Thank you for fixing my thatch, but I have to tell you I'm still leaking down below.
2. Can you repair the toilet door the wind has broken.
3. Kids are messing in my bush and playing with their balls. Will you tell their parents to stop.
4. Can I have a blow job for all these fallen leaves. Your men were useless last time.
5. The sign at the end of the road is giving kids ideas will you take it away. The one that says 'Humps for 50 yards'.
6. I've been trying for months but your workman still hasn't come.
7. When your truck came to collect the old sofa it ran over my pussy, I wish to complain.
8. Can you fix the tiles please because my grandfather is getting diarrea through the holes in the roof.
9. Will you please come and remove the mattress from my back passage; I still don't know how it got there.
10. I was in the park today, and kids were going down on the flower bed. You should get a man to show them.
2. Can you repair the toilet door the wind has broken.
3. Kids are messing in my bush and playing with their balls. Will you tell their parents to stop.
4. Can I have a blow job for all these fallen leaves. Your men were useless last time.
5. The sign at the end of the road is giving kids ideas will you take it away. The one that says 'Humps for 50 yards'.
6. I've been trying for months but your workman still hasn't come.
7. When your truck came to collect the old sofa it ran over my pussy, I wish to complain.
8. Can you fix the tiles please because my grandfather is getting diarrea through the holes in the roof.
9. Will you please come and remove the mattress from my back passage; I still don't know how it got there.
10. I was in the park today, and kids were going down on the flower bed. You should get a man to show them.
Offered
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