Mr Alan Flabbie (43) sent us this shocking picture of a pair of adult knees in Ditchley town centre and says: "I was just about to cross the road to take my stuffed wombat to the dry cleaners when a couple of these knees jumped right out in front of me. Having been a Glossop United supporter all my life, I'm not easily scared, but I don't mind telling you the whole thing really shook me."
A distraught Mr Flabbie added that the shock caused him to drop his beloved wombat, which was immediately run over by an egg lorry.
Comments Prof Prongg: "Mr Flabbie's experience is by no means unique. Knees, together or singly, are taking over urban areas certainly, but we also have compelling evidence that the threat is rural, too, as shown by this picture snapped by Mrs Flora McMargerine (39) near Auchtermauchcterlochtiemochtie Castle, Dumfifeshire.
A visibly shaken Mrs McMargerine said "I was out shampooing my llamas when this huge pair of knees loomed out of the mist. They stood there for a few minutes then made off, making that horrid noise, in the direction of the castle."
A police search ensued and no fewer than 27 pairs of knees were found nesting in the ancient castle.
Professor Prongg concludes: "Alarm is spreading through the nation. Knees are frightening things and the only way to control them is to encase them in denim or some other stout material. This will lessen their urge to mate and induce a certain torpor. But this is dangerous work and a blow to the groin from an angry knee can be serious. I call upon the government to act now and bring in Army personnel who, with the aid of body armour, will be able to corral all feral knees until their natural migratory instincts kick in and they return to the Northern tundras for the summer."
