Justin here. I have been asked by the Editor to pen a few thoughts on the Synod’s decision to create female Bishops in the Church of England. Whilst I’m sure, dear reader that for you, my thoughts once every few days is quite enough, my esteemed Editor insisted.
Well naturally I am delighted that we have been able to overcome the divisive disagreements of yesteryear and that the injustice of male supremacy has at last been successfully challenged and I leave the wise and learned gathering with the words of “If You Were the Only Girl in the World” ringing in my ears.
But I would counsel caution. As (as the young man with the wire in his ear puts it) head of this operation, I do know of female clergy out there whose personal doctrines and beliefs might place them beyond the pale in terms of a Bishopric. (The young man with the wire in his ear feels a change in terminology is needed there). I feel I must name names – as Jesus would have done – even though this might cause further upset.
The Rev Edith Bagnall of All Saints Glossop, whilst still receiving a stipend, has not been seen since 2009 except for an inconclusive video stemming, it would seem, from Magaluf.
The Rev. Briony Lampeter-Wuff, lately of St Mona’s Bletchley, a qualified archaeologist and Wall of Death rider, who when not writing papers on what type of vinegar was offered to Our Lord, follows Ramsbottom’s Flying Circus around the country so, like the Rev Bagnall, is permanently in absentia.
Finally, the Rev Muriel McGimp who, on the one hand looks remarkably like ex-Archbishop Carey, but on the other is presently on remand in a prison somewhere in England, accused of organising Scots pro-independence terrorist cells and of manufacturing exploding haggis.
I offer these words in all good faith and pray for the wise counsel of the selection panel to prevail.