Thursday, 3 July 2014

Pangolin Obituary

Hermione Thrumm 
8th September 1971 - 1st July 2014

A prodigiously inventive childhood ballet dancer, Hermione nevertheless abandoned her life on the stage in order to pursue a career as a fashion designer. It was found that her real forte lay in underwear, and she became famous for underpants which could also be used as parachutes, trawler nets etc.

Apart from a very small pair which was nicked by the family gerbil.

She met a sudden and unlawful demise having put an ad on the well-known dating website, Find-a-Fatgit, which stated simply "I wanna meet a bloke who isn't an arse!"

Sadly, the iniquitous Josiah Gobshite didn't read the request properly, and done her in most brutally after their first sexual encounter where she reputedly sat there laughing, pointing, and screeching at the top of her voice: "Not very big, is it? Or is that you carrying your last remaining bit of fishing bait around in yer kecks?"

She will be sadly missed by Bryony, Dione and Irony Thrumm. And not at all by the gerbil.

1 comment:

  1. Whilst the Thrumm/Gobshite case is in the public domain, I am surprised that Pangolin, a publication relied upon for its discretion by people like myself who are a cut above everybody else, should publish such an obituary. There are many nice people out there who also die ; men who have beautifully mown lawns and who open doors for ladies, and ladies who bake Victoria sponges and read Jane Austen [except the saucy bits]. These are the people you should be remembering.
    Yours truly,
    Eileen Verrinice [56, Mrs]


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