Wednesday, 15 January 2014

The Seagull

My cousin, Jonathan Livingston-I-presume Seagull informed me that he was told off by one of the elders of the tribe. Hastings Borough Council I expect. What the old geezer said to him was:
" day, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, you shall learn that irresponsibility does not pay."
He even managed to say it in fancy italic writings, too. What a load of bollox!

I HAD to demonstrate to Jonners the error of his ways, which I did by nicking a small polystyrene pot of cockles from a table where a diner (human, using the term loosely) had foolishly placed them. Right. Down in one. Then I went back to get his crab sandwiches and he tried to kick me in retaliation but I swiped his trainer lace, which was undone at the time, whereupon his trainer went sailing elegantly through the firmament and hit a passing police car. In the ensuing fracas I got not only the crab sandwiches but a pack of Woodbines and a cup of tea. 

I've kept the trainer lace as a souvenir.


  1. I am the owner of that trainer and I think that dedicating space in your already childishly unfunny blog to the doings of a damned seagull is pathetic.

    Donald Gadpole

  2. So that was you was it, git? HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahaha etc


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