Thursday, 30 January 2014

Ten Things You Didn't Know About People Who Are Actually Very Important Indeed.

  1. Rommel was a skilled embroiderer. During the battle for Tobruk he made six very attractive coasters as a birthday present for Adolf Hitler.
  2. Dame Margot Fonteyn could spit small objects more than 50 feet. Once, during a performance of Les Sylphides, she propelled an olive pit from the back of the stage, hitting the percussionist between the eyes. This feat measured 54' 2".
  3. Dame Judy Dench once suffered from Tourette’s Syndrome which, in her early years, made soliloquies very interesting, e.g. “The quality of mercy is not strained, ARSE! It droppeth as the gentle rain from ARSE! ARSE!” etc, etc.
  4. H.M. The Queen is scared of mushrooms.
  5. UKIP leader Nigel Farage can get four Granny Smith apples in his mouth.
  6. Peter Andre, one time partner of Jordan is, in real life, even more boring than his music.
  7. Nelson Mandela once got into a fist fight with Archbishop Desmond Tutu about a missing bag of Maltesers.
  8. Because of his missing arm, Admiral Lord Nelson needed assistance with his on-board toilet arrangements. This duty was carried out by able seaman Willie Holder.
  9. Jeremy Paxman winds down after gruelling television interviews by lying in a bathful of cold Horlicks.
  10. Winston Churchill used to fart “Land of Hope and Glory” as an after-dinner party piece.


  1. I'm sure I could get more than four Granny Smiths in Nigel Farage's mouth.

  2. Probably, but he does it without hurting himself.


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