Justin here. And let me say at the outset that I am utterly devastated by the news from the Co-operative Bank. Whilst my lady wife and I do not bank with the Co-operative - our dosh is safe in HRBC (High Ranking Bishops and Clerics) I am at a loss to understand why an hitherto responsible and morally correct organisation could have employed that dreadful Flowers person in any capacity, let alone as boss.
To make matters worse, Flowers is a man of the cloth – not in a major branch of Christianity granted, but ordained, dog-collared – the works – as they say! Also, there have been uncomfortable rumours of dalliance with female persons and the taking of certain substances, quite apart from extortionate expenses claims.
I count myself fortunate indeed that I will not have to pass judgement upon this person. I could, of course, insist on – as modern parlance puts it – getting a slice of the action, perhaps in the form of excommunication, or scourging (Yea, even to twenty wands of birch. Mark 10 – 13) and even a bit of exorcism. And yet I shall stay my hand. I shall allow the civil authorities to do their various duties in their own good time.
Depressingly, there seem to be quite a lot of people who have recently occupied positions of trust and power answering to the courts at the moment. Our ever vigilant Prime Minister chided the devil-may-care leader of the opposition the other day that Mr Flowers was elevated to seniority during the Labour Party’s watch, whilst doubtless mindful of his own involvement with a certain Mr Coulson.
It is with these thoughts in mind that I give fair warning to all my parishes, bishops and priests that today I launch my own under cover operation. I shall be touring the country, in disguise (the young man with the wire in his ear tells me that he can make me look normal), dropping in unannounced on every parish in the land, searching out wrongdoing, whether it be financial or a bit on the side. If and when I find any – and sadly, I think I might, I shall in terms of suitable retribution ask myself “What would Jesus have done?” Whilst the exact term may not appear in the Scriptures, I think that “bloody good hiding” could well feature.