Showing posts with label humping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humping. Show all posts

Monday, 7 January 2013

Pangolin Top Tip: Good News for the Orthodontically Challenged!

Guys and Dolls!  Has your orthodontist informed you that you need dental braces on your teeth?

...and are you heartbroken because the only ones you can afford look like this?

So you have the indignity of looking like a geek, on top of all the discomfort of having a length of fusewire and radio components shackled to your
dental appendages.

And do you look at your classmates in envy? 

The ones whose parents are tax-avoiding scallywags with private health insurance, and add insult to injury with their cool, trendy dental appliances which may well be selected to match their latest outfit or football team? Do you look at dental braces like these, and turn green?

Cease those chlorophytic thoughts immediately!

The Pangolin can now reveal that your dental braces can be as much a vehicle of self-expression, at a fraction of the cost!

Yes, all you need to do is wear your braces as per usual, and munch your way through several portions of diced vegetables; the precise species according to your favoured colours of the moment.  If that sounds a bit healthy for you, then a packet of mixed vegetable soup mix should do the trick.  

And you too can have a multicoloured mouthpiece.  Like this one:

"Eee, it were great", said Maisie Tonkers (aged 9) from Witney Scrotum.  "I 'ad red peppers an' tomatoes an' that, an' I dint 'ave to tell nobody I were a United fan!"

"They spotted it straight away when ah kicked 'ole  in litter bin, pulled it off t' lamp post an threw it through t' winscreen of t' police car!  Reet good night out, it were!"

Sunday, 4 November 2012

On This Day...


Roving reporter, Rupert Besley, has delved into the extensive Pangolin archives - held in the basement of the Mappin Terraces at London Zoo - to take our beloved readers for a bit of a rolling stagger down Memory Lane. This was no mean feat as that worthy terrain is infested with emus.

25 Years Ago

Residents of Alma Terrace in the picturesque Hampshire village of Little Humping were plunged into darkness shortly before midnight, when a streetlamp bulb blew close to the junction with Sebastopol Road. ‘This is the second time in thirteen and a half months,’ said local resident Trevor Pidcock, 59, whose brother Norman, 61, had a similar thing happen to him in Argentina just over 12 years previously. Red-faced council officials were busy liaising with technical staff in a bid to solve the ongoing problem.


50 Years Ago

Scientists from around the world gathered in Denmark for the first test-firing of a new generation of ground-to-air missiles built entirely of Lego. The launch mission was aborted when two sections of rocket wing fell off in the opening seconds of final countdown.


5 Years Ago

The memorial service took place yesterday for Lady Eglantine Hart-Farquhar, late of the Bombay Rifles. Lady Hart-Farquhar, whose interests were listed in Who’s Who as tadpoling and kung-fu, was a distinguished poet as well as a crackshot with a submachine gun. Above all she will be remembered in the village of Farquharsgrove for her unusual outfits and her generous loan each year of the small field known as The Marsh for staging the village fete. A packed church joined in a hearty rendition of the final anthem, ‘She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain When She Comes’.

Edifying Thoughts as it's Sunday


The Pope was in the Vatican
Where the paint was all a’peelin’
He decided to do the whole place up
Michelangelo got the ceilin’