Pangolin Obituaries

The death has been announced of the composer, poet and eccentric Sir Hugh Gaspard-Trench. Known in the popular press as 'That Berk in the Cupboard', Gaspard-Trench did in fact spend most of his long working life in the airing cupboard of his home in Glossop, emerging occasionally for poetry readings.

The controversy caused by his epic work 'Couldn't Kick a Barn Door', in the late 20th century criticising, as it did, England's failure to beat Germany in a penalty shootout still reverberates throughout FIFA headquarters.

Sir Hugh was 128 and is survived by two daughters, Maude and Valderma, both of whom are, in the words of Sir Melvyn Bragg "As mad as a box of frogs".