Difficult to Grow. Herein devised by A Grubb, under the auspices of Delinquency and Dereliction Co Ltd

This X - rated carrot shows a rare classical theme, that of the double herm, or herma. The term is normally associated with stone sculpture of the Gods, circa 1st century, such as the image below, a single-faced 'herm', or the more unusual back to back, 'double herma'. This 'carrot' variation defines one encapsulation of 'gender' with a late 20th century gentle rebuke to post - feminine aesthetics. In particular the unashamed portrayal of the 'organ grinder and his muse', into the variation 'grinder and the muse's organ'.

Suffice it to say that the colour offers a further reference to a conflict, this time of religious proportions. A conflict moreover associated with the beastliness of King William of Orange - a monarch forever given saintlike status (thus furthering the classical tradition) under the all too familiar Irish brogue 'Willy'.

Normally such a rare example would be entered into the Annual Allotment show under the 'Unusual Shaped Vegetable with Caption' category. In this case, it being felt it would be unfair to take all first prizes in this category, it is, instead, being afforded pride of place on the noticeboard in the Witness Service volunteer's room at Birmingham Crown Court.

Such a position among the numerous printed notices about 'The correct procedures when taking witnesses  into video rooms', 'Christmas lunch signing up form', and 'How to address a judge if encountered in a public toilet', is anticipated to offer the subtlety of a brick (and the colour thereof) with the rigour of the genius of everyday life, as visible day - in, day - out in any Court of Law.

Already there have been a number of requested visits by barristers, security and court staff, and even one from His Lordship (although he seemed preoccupied with a different sort of carat) to view this most unusual and significant contribution to the 'weight of the law'. There are plans to apply for Arts Council funding so that an exhibition, with this item as its centrepiece, could travel to the main Category A prisons throughout the UK as part of a series of extra mural courses given the draft title 'Killers in Ancient Rome' for selected inmates. However these plans are in their infancy at time of writing.