Pangolin Newsflash: Abandoned Plague Ship Spotted Off Coast of Glossop

Reports had reached us... 'A ghost ship filled with cannibal rats is floating somewhere off the coast of Glossop, ready to crash ashore and unleash its disease-ridden cargo of starving rodents.' 

Pangolin Science Reporter, Prof Anna Prongg, was most impressed at this news and set off to investigate:

Historic GLOS transport

Perhaps disappointingly, it just turned out to be Glossop Light Operatic Society having a bit of a cruise as part of their annual outing.

Captain Benedict Squealer

Pangolin had an exclusive interview with Captain Benedict Squealer, skipper of the ship and devoted baritone.

"Well, there's some truth in the cannibalism I suppose. But of course nobody needs fear hundreds of rats descending on Glossop any time soon. After all, if you stop to think about it, the logical conclusion of all this cannibalism is that only one rat will be left.

And that, a-hem, is ME!

We do like to maintain a high level of authenticity in our performances, you know, and perhaps 'Sweeney Todd' wasn't the best of production choices. Well not if you want to ensure the long-term continuity of the Society.

As for 'disease-ridden' - my ****. I once had a bit of tooth decay back in 1961 but, as you know, our teeth never stop growing and I soon outgrew it."




Meanwhile, Glossop Light Operatic Society are keen to recruit new members. No experience of singing necessary, but preference will be given to applicants who've belonged to some kind of organisation with 'rat' in the name.