Hullo,
Well, it finally happened, and we have
a new Pope. I say “we” when I suppose I mean “they”, but
gosh, one cannot deny the deep joy which emanated from the packed
crowds in St Peter’s Square when white smoke issued from the Papal
Chimney. And here I stand corrected. That smoke isn’t from the
burning of unsuccessful candidates as I suggested the other day, but
from the Cardinals’ ballot papers. That piece of wonky information
was given to me by a young know-it-all curate in my employ – well,
used to be in my employ but who is now back doing prison visits at
Broadmoor.
Interestingly, the new Pope is from
Argentina, a faraway land of which we know little beyond childhood
memories of Fray Bentos corned beef – although I much preferred
boiled ham sandwiches with the crusts cut off – and all the present
argy-bargy regarding the Falkland Islands. Apparently the new Pope’s
home country lays claim to this quintessentially British territory
and Argentina’s political leaders have been jolly rude about us.
Hopefully, the new Pontiff will be able to have a word.
Meanwhile, here at home I have been
deeply impressed at the way Mr Cameron has recently dropped plans to
increase the price of alcohol, just as he advised that odd little
fellow Gove to drop plans for a Baccalaureate exam for 16 year olds.
I mean, Heavens Above! How many 16 year olds can even spell
“baccalaureate"?
But the alcohol about-face is no
bad thing. I mean, if you’re in a dead-end job, or even unemployed,
how better to forget your troubles than going out and getting a
little squiffy at the weekend? British peasants and yeomen have been
doing that for centuries. And most street furniture is made of
plastic these days anyway and is easily hosed down.
Let’s not forget the huge
contribution made to our struggling economy by the drinks industry.
Why, I myself am partial to an aged Rioja, or a few glasses of
Barolo, retailing, I am told, for as little as £32.50p per bottle.
And Red Nose Day is imminent. I shall
be eagerly taking part from the Palace, reading out several jokes I
am having explained to me later today.
Pip, pip,
Justin
Got me completely wrongfooted there - I had Webly down as a Chablis man.
ReplyDeleteThe Archbishop will drink Chablis if that's all there is.
ReplyDelete