Nissan
McNightie of Peebles says he’s new to gardening but he’ll
try anything once! He's written to us in a state of distress:
“Dear Pangolin Gardening Staff,
My potted plant fell over; I mean -
the plant collapsed, leaving the pot standing. Then I noticed loads
of ‘C’ shaped grubs in the compost. I find only having ‘C’
shapes really cuts down on the number of words I can make from them.
What are these grubs, and how can I get more letters?”
Melinda, our typist who once typed a letter 'j' by accident in 1956 and hasn't typed anything since, was quick to leap to his assistance:
“What you have here are vine
weevil larvae (Noraholius leafius). These dangerous little blighters
will eat just about anything that grows in a pot – even your stew
or risotto. All vine weevils are female, and as for virgin birth –
they bring tears to the eyes of the Catholic Church! Although
they’re ‘C’ shaped, put ‘em together carefully and you can
make a little letter ‘A’, too. For other letters, including
fancy stuff like ‘&’ and ‘@’ – you can’t do better
than earthworms (genus Longthinslimius). They beat the so-called
‘Spelling Bee’ into a cocked hat! Or you could
just buy a game of Scrabble.”
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