Thursday, 28 January 2016

Business Support and Advice: that all-important interview

Remember, when you go for an interview it's important to make a good impression. One of the ways you can do this is to make conversation, and another - essential - one is to ask about the organisation you'll be working for.

The following should be very helpful to you in your quest:

  • If you're a bloke, ask your interviewer if female staff have been known to make many complaints about sexual harassment.
  • It's important to let women know they're attractive; it boosts company morale. Ask the receptionist if it was her you saw dancing at Juicy Lucy's Lapdancing Club.
  • Explain that the reason all your exposed flesh is covered by thick cream is to blot out the sun. Let them know that, as a troll, you will turn to stone should you encounter daylight.
  • (You may wish to substitute the term 'vampire' for 'troll' in the above.)
  • Ask if they discriminate against people who develop appalling body odour by around 10.30am.
  • Explain that your shaking is not a sign of nervousness. Let them know it means you don't have to buy batteries for your vibrator.
  • Ask if they encourage employees to develop their hobbies and interests during office hours. Explain that you'd be happy to share your maggot collection with everyone.
  • Examine the drinks machine - if they have one - and ask if it's OK to 'Bring a bottle" if they only serve tea and coffee.
Sorry if the above sounds a little patronising, but not everyone's got Anna Prongg's talent for small talk.

And Good Luck!!!


  1. I used this unusual technique during a job interview yesterday. Shortly before the end of the interview, I was fired.
    Alex Drupesabit.

  2. I should like to be introduced to the proprietor of Juicy Lucy's Lapdancing Club. I can pay generously, in cash.

  3. Juicy Lucy's is owned by a consortium of Barad-dur Orcs and, as everybody knows, Orcs shun dealings with humans.
    Yours etc.,
    Gerard Spoon.
    Spoon, Spoon and Fartarse.


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