Sunday, 17 May 2015

Trending - latest from GLOSSOP GUARDIAN

NO GLOSSOPIANS HURT reports Angela Pinkthing

No-one from Glossop was hurt when a chip-pan blaze ripped through the kitchen of 47 Chimney Parade, Bradford last night. Said Glossop Fire Chief Norman Cramp, "It's just sheer good luck that no-one from Glossop was in that part of Bradford yesterday."

ROAD SUBSIDES reports Ralph Gonad

Emergency Services were in attendance at the junction of Abattoir Drive and Pie Street on Monday when a large hole appeared in the road. Interviewed at the scene, Police Chief Superintendant Ronald Hitler said, "Well, there are two Ford Fiestas and an ice-cream van down there at the moment."
Fortunately, these vehicles were unoccupied at the time.

Later, a Pie Street resident, who cannot be named for legal reasons, called Maurice Arthur Mole went voluntarily to Glossop Police Station. Commented CI Hitler, "Mr Mole, a keen amateur tunneller, is helping us with our enquiries."
Maurice Arthur Mole

Nellie Whelk (87). Photo courtesy

SPORTS NEWS from Judi Blebby  

Glossop Athletic FC Avoid Relegation

In a dramatic 12-All draw against Stokely Town, Glossop Athletic secured their next season’s place in the Frobisher’s Birdseed League. After the match, manager Terry Parrot said, "The lads done tremendous. It was a gritty performance. I know Stokely had nine players sent off, but they still done good."

Glossop FC's Kevin Groper being guided towards the goal whilst balancing extra-long piece of spaghetti

Local pensioner Nellie Whelk (87, Mrs) said, "He’s a proper nuisance, that Mole bloke. He’s been in and out of our cellar four times."

1 comment:

  1. As Kevin Groper's great nephew, I think its worth mentioning that his being assisted towards the goal is down to the fact that he fell into eight of the many tunnels which ran close to the surface of Glossop Athletic's ground on Cramp Lane. He was exhausted, which added to the difficulties always associated with spaghetti-balancing. Legend has it that after the match, Maurice Mole tried to apologise to Kevin and lost all his front teeth in the attempt.
    Your truly,
    Gary Groper.


Go on... you want to say SOMETHING, don't you? Post under a made-up name if you're shy!