Bad Hair Day?

Fairly typical education secretary; this one was
photographed in Kennington Lane, SE11.

Bad Hair Day?

Feeling like nobody's listening to you, too busily indulging in 'vapid happy talk'?

Bothered by all those teachers running wild after 3.30pm, wreaking havoc on the school bus and having holidays?

Even more bothered by the thought that young people might be indulging in messy activities like art, or dance, or drama instead of learning their times tables and proper dates?

Don't worry!

All this can be a thing of the past, just so long as you invest in a proper program of Wash 'n' Gove.

A timely application will mean that you can remember your numbers in the right order, and relate them to your fingers and toes. You will become familiar with approved literature, such as 'This little piggy went to market'.

Wash 'n' Gove miracle cure

You will have a proper understanding of laws. Especially scientific ones, and then you'll understand why cables from electrical goods wrap themselves round chair legs overnight, and why there are always too many dishes when it comes to washing them up, and not enough when it comes to eating off them.

English? You'll understand loads of proper words, and be able to translate the naughty stories by Chaucer and the like. Likewise languages, but you'll get to look at Balzac instead (very rude).

As for Geography... well, you'll not only be able to pinpoint Spaghetti Junction on a map of the world, but find your way round it.

All this, and lots more, can be yours when you get yourself a proper supply of Wash 'n' Gove. Available only from government departments.

And you, too, can end up looking like this:

The same education secretary, after a judicious
application of something or other.