Hullo,
Justin here, amid the sadness and joys of
Easter. Sadness because Our Lord was crucified on Good Friday, and joys because
of his resurrection mere days later.
As you know, I am always open to religious debate, but I am
afraid my patience has been tried recently by an ever more vociferous local
group called Sensible People Against God [SPAG]. To mark the occasion of Easter,
SPAG organized a local radio programme wherein Christian belief was challenged.
It was chaired – rather ineffectively I have
to say - by one Stella Hipkiss – a person who plays records, apparently.
Mr Hussein insisted on accompanying myself and my Christian
brethren to the studio because, in his words, “You can’t trust these Godless
bastards.”
Things began badly when SPAG representative Mr Norris
Trope-Fettler said that Our Lord “Got done in for shooting his mouth off”. At
this point, Mr Hussein had to be held back by studio security staff.
I tried to remain calm – wondering what Jesus would have
done. At this point, Ms Hipkiss played “I Could Have Danced All Night” However,
I did reply to Mr Trope-Fettler by saying that Our Lord is the son of God and
that He was bringing the word of God to mankind. Another SPAG person, Julius
Himmler, shouted “Bollocks!”
Suddenly, Mr Hussein broke free from the security operatives
and grasped Mr Himmler by the throat whilst Ms Hipkiss played Dooh Wah Diddy
Diddy at increased volume.
Police presence did not last long. Mr Himmler spent some
time in A&E whilst Mr Hussein was cautioned. But only slightly. For myself,
I was advised to go home and wrap up some Easter eggs – which I did, only to
find that my lady wife had eaten most of them whilst watching Big Brother. And I
still don’t know what Jesus would have done.
Pip, pip,
Justin
